I moved in with my ex fiance about two months after we met. Not completely by choice. His lease was up, and my roommates were abandoning me in the middle of our lease. I didn't drive at the time and he felt bad for me, so we moved in together. About a year later he proposed, and then 4 months before the wedding he left. We were together nearly two years, living together for most of them. It felt like a divorce, minus the legal paperwork. I ended up with less than half of our possessions and broke. He moved on very quickly, while I had to move back in with my parents and shortly after that lost my job. That year was a rough year for me, but I learned a lot from my experiences.
I love Scotty, and I can't wait to marry him. But I also thought I loved my ex, and we were planning our wedding. Deja Vu keeps kicking in and I shut down for a bit. Scotty does his best to reassure me, and I believe him when he says he loves me, he'll never leave me, and that we are in this together for better or worse. His sincerity touches me and a strong, secure feeling warms my body from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Scotty has even suggested that we draw up a contract that we are equally responsible for all bills related to the apartment, binding for 30 days after a separation or until we get married. But the "what ifs" are still in the back of my mind and I can't shake them completely.
In the past few days, the "what ifs" have quieted down. Things we've been a little worried about are falling into place. Items we need for our new apartment are suddenly appearing: a new bed, a dining room table, new bedside tables, a moving crew, a washer and dryer, and God knows what else will spring up between now and our moving date. It's like this is meant to be and fate is taking over making my worries soften and disappear. As each day passes, I feel better and about making this step and starting this life with Scotty.
 |
| I especially can't wait to have our new bed :) |
All images via weheartit.com
2 comments:
Given what's come before it's natural that there may be some reservation on your part. Scotty should realize that it's nothing to do with him or your feelings for him.
We're glad that everything is falling into place for you two. We wish you all the happiness you deserve.
It's normal to feel such trauma. It was worse than a divorce may I say, it has impact on your self esteem too, you might experience doubt in yourself as if something is wrong with you. You deserve better and you must allow yourself to deserve it. Everything will be OK. *personal experience too*
cheers :)
Post a Comment